Private
Auburn February 13. 1850.
My Dear Aunty,
I received your kind letter of the 31st
of January last week. I felt confident that some controlling
circumstances or pressing engagements which absorbed your
time, prevented your earlier reply. I am thankful that
even now I am allowed to be the recipient of a letter.
Your mode of life I should suppose mut must be
vastly different from that which you were accustomed
to follow here. I am glad to learn that it is agreeable.
The requirements of society I apprehend are more numerous
and more rigid there than in the little circle we move
in here, and I fear that in the event of my advent
in Washington my antique knowledge of etiquette
will be a source of mortification to me. “Nous verrons”
Lent commences today and if Mr Ayrault’s advice is

followed all gaily social assemblages of every sort
and size will cease. I cannot say that I regret the
cessation. Parties have been very frequent here and I am
tired of attending them. I visited the church today
and selected what seems to me to be the most desirable
seat. I give a diagram of the church. The seat I selected
is indicated by a star.e
This seat I prefer to the for-
ward one because it is less conspicuous and further removed
from the pulpit which is to be placed on the spot marked
by a cross. The little cross indicates the place where the lectern
is to stand and the circle the situation of the font. I believe
the plan of the church is to be lithographed and if so I will
send you one and you will be enabled to obtain from it a
correct idea of the location of the proposed seat. The interior
of the edifice will be completed in two weeks. The cruciform
is not by any means perfect but the drawing does it injustice

Grandpa is anxious to have Willie and Fred come home
He says Willie is losing his health and must return and
that Fred must accompany him to teach him. I acquiesced
in his view of the case and expressed my willingness to relieve
my (the same as) brother as soon as I was examined. Judge
Welles whom I met at Mr Blatchford’s Monday evening said
he would be happy to see me at Rochester in March and
should appoint Mr Worden one of the Examiners. I am
rejoiced for your sake and for your happiness that Augustus
is so soon to return. He will not go back unless he is
made of sterner stuff than I suppose, for he will not be
able to resist a mothers entreaties.
I go to Geneva frequently, for what, it is
unnecessary to state. The engagement though broken to the
ear is kept alive and cherished in the hope. I cannot
in justice to myself resign the affection I have gained and
I acknowledge frankly and freely as it is my duty to
do that it is my intention to be married as soon, as
a due regard to the wishes of those who have a right

to be consulted, and my own circumstances will permit.
I say this now Aunty and thus frankly in order to prevent
any misconception as to what my intentions may be, in order that
I may not render myself liable to the charge of deceit or disingenuous-
ness. You and Uncle have a right, to know every act that I
perform, a right to advise and even to direct – what my
conduct shall be. I gratefully recognize the right and hope
never to act in derogation of it. But permit me to say that in
this instance I cannot retract the promises once made, I cannot
recall the affection I have bestowed. I cannot yield the hand
which once was mine, without losing my own self respect, my
my own happiness, without inflicting pain and sorrow upon one whose
happiness is far dearer to me than mine own. I say not all
this in a spirit of vain declamation, (for you know Aunty how
long and ardently I strove to gain the prize), but with a just
appreciation of my duty towards Uncle & yourself and towards her.
I have no right to throw back upon her the affection bestowed upon me
and then leave her crushed and broken hearted to struggle alone
as best she may – I cannot do it. I am deeply deeply sensible
how much I owe both you and Uncle, position education wealth
and all that I enjoy, and our Father knows that I should be
broken hearted did you ever think me ungrateful. I am not
and pray God I never may be. All that I have is yours and
and to my dying day I shall never cease to pray for those who have
been kind and loving parents to me. Did I offer a prayer to
Heaven without invoking its blessings upon you both methinks
the very winds would scatter it. But I cannot cannot resign
the affection which now is mine. Pardon me if have spoken
strongly – I could not write less feelingly.
Ever your affectionate nephew
Clarence